HIMYM 8x05: The Autumn of Break-Ups

Ted and Victoria had dinner with Marshall and Lily. While Ted thinks it went well, his friends tell him that Victoria was dropping hints the whole night that she wants to get married. At first, he doesn't believe them, but after Victoria pulls out her wedding dress, he starts to get it. A day later, he proposes, and she accepts but with one condition: He can't be friends with Robin anymore.

He needs time to think about it.

Meanwhile, Barney finds a new wingman: A terrier, who he renames "Brover". When he brings the dog to the bar to show him off, Robin is concerned that his breakup with Quinn may have messed him up. Nick doesn't see it, but he agrees to have him over for dinner. Barney seems really happy and upbeat, but after he gets a call from Brover's real owner, he immediately steps out onto Robin's balcony so he can commit suicide.

He takes his jacket off first. Suicidal depression is no excuse for ruining a good suit jacket.

Robin pulls him back in, and after one last man-to-wingman chat, she goes with him to return the dog. It turns out that Brover's real name is Mr. Sprinkles and his owner is an attractive young lady. At first, she thinks Robin and Barney are a couple, but Robin quickly states that she's a lesbian and heads off, leaving Barney to be invited in for a drink. As he moves through the door, Barney looks back and says that Robin's the best wingman ever. He's right. Women make the best wingmen.

Butt check.

Back home, Nick's a little bummed that Robin went off with another guy in the middle of the night, but he accepts the fact that she has close guy friends. He moves in for a kiss when Robin gets a text from Ted; he needs to see her right away. Nick is an understanding guy, though, and he says it's okay if her guy friends steal her away every now and then, as long as they give her back. He's a great guy, that Nick. Of course, per Future Ted's narration, they will be breaking up in one or two episodes. It's probably going to be something stupid like he tells her he loves her and she can't say it back.

But, how can you not love Nick?

Robin meets Ted at the bar, but they cut to an angle on Ted, and it's immediately clear that he's talking to Victoria. I don't know why they bother doing stuff like that these days. It would actually be a surprise if they cut back to the other angle and it were still the original person the guy was talking to. Anyway, Ted tells Victoria that he's not in love with Robin, but she's like family, and he can't cut her out of his life. Basically, he follows Bro Code Article #1: Bros before hos. Robin is his bro, and always will be. Understandably, Victoria's not okay with being Ted's second choice again. She tells him she hopes he gets Robin some day, and walks out on him.

Can't say I blame her.

The next day, Ted tells Lily and Marshall what happened. They try to comfort him by telling him that at least Robin will be incredibly touched when she finds out what he did for her, but he makes them promise never to tell her. Future Ted lets us know that she finds out, anyway. I really hope it's because Victoria tells her.

What I Liked
-Barney's dog-related bro puns. Sometimes the simplest jokes are the best jokes.
-The Mosby Boys' sidekick was a squirrel Ted named Squirrelock Holmes. If I were a young adult, I'd read a series of mystery novels starring a trained squirrel. Actually, I might even read one now. Get on it, CBS; Richard Castle writes real novels, why can't Ted Mosby?
-Nick's a TV chef who can't come up with a catchphrase. Personally, I think "Who's poppin' a chub for some grub?" was the best one.

"Who's ready to eat my meat?"

What I Hated
-The whole bit with Marshall taking over for Lily as an advice-dispensing woman. Making a big white guy act like a sassy black chick is almost never funny. Most of the time it's just stupid.
-That thing where we're supposed to think Ted's talking to Robin, but he's really talking to Victoria. It's been done to death.
-There's a joke towards the end of the episode about how Robin didn't know that her aunt was a lesbian even though she's been living on a farm with "a friend" for decades. This is a callback to the second season episode where Robin gets rid of her dogs. Except, in that episode, Robin was fully aware that her aunt was gay, and in fact admonished Lily for her prejudices about lesbian women's love of dogs. Why reference an episode that people are barely going to remember if you're just going to mess with the continuity anyway? I suppose you can explain it all away by saying Future Ted's an unreliable narrator, but that's a pretty weak excuse.

Final Thoughts
That's now the second time Ted has chosen Robin over Victoria, and also the second time he's chosen her over his fiancee. Although, you can respect a guy for following the Bro Code, it's become terribly obvious that Ted doesn't really want to get married. Sure, it's something he'd like, but he definitely wants to be friends with Robin more than he wants to be married. Asking the man you're going to marry not to hang out with a woman he was recently in love with and used to date isn't a terribly unreasonable request, and I think any sane woman would make it -as well as the insane ones. So, I'm really having a lot of trouble believing that any woman would actually marry Ted, and then be fine enough with Robin that she hangs out with them all the time, and the kids call her Aunt Robin. That's really messed up when you think about it.

I'm not even sure why they bothered having Ted propose. Future Ted's been telling us all season that his relationship was doomed, and we've known for years that Victoria is not the mother, so there was absolutely no way he could choose her over his friendship with Robin. The other two breakups are the surprising ones. The writers came up with the silly idea that Barney and Robin need to get married for some reason, so they regressed his character to a point that didn't make any sense whatsoever. With Robin, it's going to be even more ridiculous since it turns out Nick is a really great guy, and she already ditched Barney a year ago. None of what's happened this season has made any sense,

One day I'll build a legitimate Laugh-o-meter, but until then I must stick with raw numbers. This week's number was 12, most of which came from various puns. Sue me, I like them. I didn't really like the episode, though. I watch this show now out of some kind of loyalty and a desire for a final payoff after eight seasons of support. Ted's King Douche of Douche Mountain, Barney's back to being season one Barney, and Robin, Lily and Marshall are just sort of there. They'd best not try to drag things out for another year because they've pretty much already done everything they can do with the main characters.