Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 1x05: Girl In the Flower Dress.

A dude in Hong Kong has fire powers that he uses to impress a girl... who then has guys in fire-resistant suits kidnap him.

SHIELD suspects the Rising Tide, so everyone suspects Skye had something to do with it. She starts trying to track whoever hacked into their data stream so she can clear her name.

Meanwhile, the fire guy is being seduced with offers of power and fame... and a new name: Scorch.

The hacker is a guy named Miles Lydon, who makes Ward right away, then bolts in his product placement Jetta. He uses some hacker trickery to cause gridlock and gets away. As it turns out, Skye used to date him, and warned him so he could escape.

They meet up, and she castigates him for hacking SHIELD while she's on the inside. Then they need an excuse for Chloe Bennet to take her clothes off, so they have sex. But Coulson had May follow her, and they get busted before Skye even gets her clothes back on.

Miles was paid $1 million by what he thought was an eco-research company to hack a Chinese SHIELD data stream. That got them Scorch, who they juice up with the super serum from the pilot. Then they start sucking him dry. His blood platelets are fire-resistant, so they'll help stop the soldiers from exploding in the future.

SHIELD agents manage to save him before he dies, but he's not happy to see them, since they were his former oppressors. He doses himself with super soldier serum and starts tossing fireballs.

May tries to reason with him, but he's not interested, and eventually they have to just dose him with more serum until he explodes.

Miles gets kicked out of the plane in Hong Kong with a magic bracelet that does whatever SHIELD wants on his wrist. Skye tells Coulson that she hacked into SHIELD to find out what happened to her parents. She gets a bracelet, too. Then the titular girl goes to see some guy in prison. She needs him to get in touch with "The clairvoyant" whoever that is.

What I Liked
-Giving the guy a nickname makes him more dangerous. That's true in real life, too.

What I Hated
-Fitzsimmons spouts more trolltastic technobabble. This is a show for nerds. We know what things like TCP, hyper-text and mob mean, assholes.
-As Miles is escaping, he hits something on his phone called Gridlock.mp4, which is contained in Act 1 Video Playlist.

It's a damned smart phone. It can do anything they want, and their fancy hacker thing is a goddamn video playlist. And they didn't even bother to change the name to something inconspicuous. How lazy can you get? Did the graphics department not have twenty free minutes to whip something up?

-Coulson has a flying car, and yet he goes after Miles in a regular SUV. I know the plot required it, but the plot is dumb, so that's no excuse.
-They knock Scorch out with some gas so they can restrain him, then leave him awake while they suck out his blood platelets. That seems needlessly cruel. Sure, they're an evil organization bent on world domination or something, but they don't have to be dicks about it.
-SHIELD kidnaps a guy, dumps him in Hong Kong, and robs him. I realize that he was a bad guy, and if he hadn't haxored SHIELD's Gibson, things would've been better, but it wasn't exactly his fault that Scorch went nuts. It wasn't his fault that the guy died, either: May killed him. Not even in self-defense, either. She and Coulson decided he needed to die, so they extra-judicially murdered him. SHIELD's full of assholes.
-Skye is storing the data on her parents on a mini-SIM card. That makes very little sense. An SD card is about the same size and holds far more data.

Final Thoughts
So Skye's an orphan, and the only info she has on her parents was redacted by SHIELD. I still don't care. She's a bland character with a hackneyed backstory, who seems like she was designed by committee. All the new characters on the show seem that way, in fact. They got together in a room, chose some standard character types, and then decided they didn't need to do any more character development: Super nerds, master of waif-fu, Agent Hardchin, and the oddly attractive hacker who grew up in an orphanage. That's what we got from this show, and we're not getting anything else. The really big problem is that I'm not even sure it's possible to care about most of them. Fitzsimmons are disposable scientists and Ward is a disposable agent. Based on what they've done so far, you could kill them all and replace them with with similar characters, and almost no one would give a damn. They're completely generic and have no personalities. It's like they brought three bottles of store brand cola to life and dressed them up as humans.

Which would be forgiveable if the plots were interesting. They're not, though. Some guy we've never seen before had super flame powers. He used them for fives seconds and then exploded. The end. Not exactly compelling stuff. Sure, there's a long-running plot about the CENTIPEDE people, but they've only shown up twice so far, and they seem to be comically inept. Twice now, they've had their plans messed with by a ragtag group of misfits. If the Bad News Bears were a spy agency, they'd give SHIELD a run for its money.

Still, this was better than the previous episode, which admittedly is not saying much. They fought a lower-tier super-powered guy, which is at least sort of comic booky. Of course, most of the episode was focused on the too-pretty hacker and her personal issues, but at this point I'll take what I can get.

Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 1x04: Eye Spy

A bunch of guys in red masks with briefcases chained to their arms ride the subway in Stockholm. A girl knocks out the lights, kicks all their asses and steals one briefcase. Inside are a bunch of diamonds.

They search the interbutts and find a picture of the thief. Her name is Akela Amador, and she was a SHIELD agent who Coulson trained, and who everyone thought was dead. Also she has mind-powers. She sells the diamonds to a guy in Belarus, who gives her a key card.

The team tracks her down, but while Coulson and Ward go searching, she finds the van with Fitzsimmons and Skye and rams them over a ledge. They discover a video feed coming from an implant in her head. They also discover that someone's controlling her. May wants to call in and get a tac team, but Coulson won't let her.

May finds Amador via the video feed, and after the two of them fight, Coulson arrives and knocks her out with a tranquilizer dart. Then they use some Mission Impossible glasses to mimic the signal and send in Ward to finish Amador's mission.

Meanwhile, despite the fact that neither one is a surgeon, Fitzsimmons remove Amador's implant so the failsafe inside can't kill her.

Things go awry for Ward when Amador's orders come in.

Instead of seducing him, Ward knocks out the guard, then completes the mission, which was to look at something. On his way out of the building, an alarm goes off, but he handles the guards pretty easily. Coulson tracks down Amador's handler, but when he tries to stop him, the guy's eye explodes. He was a redundant safety, and the real bad guy is still out there.

The implant is safely removed, Amador is arrested by SHIELD agents, and Coulson promises she'll get a fair trial. For the first time in years, she goes to sleep without anyone watching her.

What I Liked
-Amador hides the diamonds in phony golf balls that dissolve when she pours water on them. That's kinda neat.
-Skye calls Coulson AC because it's cooler. Slater agrees.

What I Hated
-Some people took pictures with their phones, but mainly, everyone ignores the guys in the red masks. In this case, they were transporting diamonds, but in general, they would've been terrorists or bank robbers. If I see a bunch of guys in similar outfits get on a subway and they're not a sports team, I'm getting off and waiting for the next train. But maybe that's just me.
-There are aliens from other dimensions, super soldiers of various types, and a giant green rage monster, but everyone thinks ESP is ridiculous. I'm guessing mutants don't exist in this chunk of the Marvel universe because Fox still has the rights to the X-Men. It still makes no sense that no one would even consider it, though.
-Fitzsimmons are still ridiculous nerds. No real nerd, no matter how nerdy would care about visiting a town near the birthplace of a Nobel prize-winning physicist. That's just stupid.
-Amador and Coulson share a very touching, emotional conversation. Except we just met her, and the dialogue was terrible, so I don't care.
-More crap about Coulson being a zombie or a robot or something. It's really not all that interesting a mystery.
-Someone paid $30 million to get access to a room filled with strange, possibly alien writing, and SHIELD isn't sending in 100 guys to subdue and interrogate everyone? Why the hell not?
-They don't have a medic onboard. They've needed minor medical attention before, but this is the first time where it's been really obvious that they need a surgeon on the team. Ron Glass played a doctor in the pilot; they should bring him back.

Final Thoughts
Directed by Roxann Dawson. I wondered what she'd been up to lately. Not very hard, but I wondered.

This was not a good episode. After the previous one where they did some minor fancy science stuff and created a supervillain, I was hopeful. Then this week they just became bad NCIS again. Or actually, I suppose it's kind of a cross between NCIS and Fringe or maybe The X-Files. Of course, it's not as good as any of those shows. Regardless, why even bother having the Marvel licence if they're not going to use it?

This episode also really showed off how bad some of the acting is. They should probably kill off half the characters and find better actors to replace them.

The show in general hasn't really given me any reason to watch it thus far. The plots are dull, the action is poor, and the characters aren't very compelling. It's still early, but they're mainly ridiculous caricatures. I also don't care about the long-running plots. Skye isn't an interesting character, so I don't care what shadowy business she's up to, and the frequent allusions to the fact that Coulson's a clone or whatever are more annoying than mysterious. Yes, he's somehow different after Loki stabbed him. BFD.

I'm still going to watch a few more episodes, but after the next one, I'm not sure I'll review any more unless the show gets a lot better.

The Crazy Ones 1x05: She's So European

Sexy, European Helena comes to the office to talk about an ad campaign for her new dating website for older people. Zach, Simon, and Sydney are all enamoured with her.

Sydney tries to be her friend, while Zach and Simon both sleep with her, leading to an awkward moment when Sydney drops by Helena's hotel room unexpectedly.

Zach is forced into the unenviable position of having to tell his boss that they're now Eskimo Brothers. Simon doesn't take the news very well, and things get so awkward in the office that they're all forced to confront Helena. She doesn't see what the big deal is.

Meanwhile, Fred Melamed is in the office to do a voiceover, and he treats Andrew like crap and calls him a hippie. After Andrew gives him some notes, Fred storms out.

Simon gets him to come back, but he flubs his lines, forcing Andrew to lay down the law. It was all a ploy by Fred to teach him not to take crap from voice actors and to be a man.

Zach, Simon, and Sydney agree that mixing business with pleasure is making things too complicated, and they decide to keep their relationships Helena completely work-related. Fred doesn't work with her, though, so he uses his powerful, manly voice to seduce her.

What I Liked
-Fred's briefcase is made of Corinthian leather... which is not actually a real thing.
-Helena's impression of Zach's o-face. In my experience, it's not a real thing. But I've never had sex with a man, so maybe other guys do make weird faces and women don't.

This is a woman imitating a man's o-face, so it doesn't count.

-Andrew can't do the voiceover thing with Fred again because he has jury duty that day... and diarrhea. Hee-hee.
-When Andrew thinks Fred is going to kill him, he tells Lauren to delete his browser history. That's a way to go. Personally, I want the contents of my history read aloud at my funeral.

What I Hated
-Simon and Zach talking like southern debutantes. It was terrible, and it went on way too long.

Final Thoughts
There were two plots in this episode, but unlike on many other sitcoms, they didn't feel rushed. That's probably because there are only five characters on the show, rather than 7-10. A trio and a pair isn't so bad.

My girlfriend hates the fact that Eskimo Brothers are a thing, but that's partially because she's not a fan of The League. Your Eskimo family is the best way to get things done, though, and there's no denying that.

We're back to gags again this week, which is fine, since they're still pretty good gags. However, after five episodes, I would've expected a little bit more character development. Of course, Simon is basically just Robin Williams if he were an ad executive, so there may not be any need to really develop that character. Lauren, Zach, Andrew, and especially Sydney could use a little work.

The episode itself was relatively funny. The blooper tags over the credits aren't really providing many laughs, but they're funnier than the credits would be on their own, so I guess they're inoffensive at least. I've gotta say that this is one of the more visually interesting sitcoms I've seen. It's very bright, and there's always a lot going on in the office. I suppose that makes it one of the more visually interesting shows period, since so many dramas are drab and gray.

Anyway, I'm still enjoying The Crazy Ones after five episodes, although it's has yet to wow me. It's good enough for me to keep watching, though.

The Crazy Ones 1x04: The Breakfast Burrito Club

Sydney is a workaholic and Simon is forcing her to take a vacation to Hawaii.

But they get a call from a client and need to find an advertising idea fast, so she changes her flight, and they all start talking about burritos.

They can't find an idea, so Sydney busts out the Creativity Binder.

But the topic turns to relationships instead of work. Zach likes a girl for the first time. Andrew's back with his ex, who makes him wear cardigans, which he hates. So Simon gets him to burn it to pacify the gods of creativity.

The ensuing sprinkler downpour soaks Sydney and Andrew and they have to change clothes, which leads to Andrew wearing a track suit from a Pringles campaign.

And to him kissing her. She quickly shoves him off, because they're buddies. He thinks he's destroyed everything.

Simon still has no ideas, so he goes back to the diner where he used to work to get his creativity flowing.

He still can't come up with anything, so they give up and try to enjoy the night. Lauren performs some of her poetry, Andrew chats with his girlfriend on the phone, and Zach invites his lady to the diner and realizes he hates her. It's all so magical.

Father and daughter have a talk about how she needs to find a life outside of work so she doesn't wind up like him. She wonders aloud if Andrew cheated on his girlfriend with her, which gives her dad an idea.

And the day is saved.

What I Liked
-Sarah Michelle Gellar draws really good circles.

It's not the most useful talent in the world, but it's still kinda neat.

-The firefighters have to ask Simon if he's sexually aroused by starting fires. That's an excellent question that all men should be asked at some point in their lives.
-After he kisses Sydney, Andrew realizes that he's going to have to call HR on himself. They don't like it when you do that. It's weird.
-Lauren doesn't think either Sydney or Andrew is good enough for one another. That really does happen sometimes.
-"Adultery and breakfast: Together at last." Getting breakfast together when you're having an affair is really hard.

What I Hated
-Simon goes straight to Hitler when talking about people he hasn't met but still hates. That's fine, but it's not funny. There must've been a hundred people they could've listed that would've elicited a laugh.
-The sweater burns ridiculously quickly. Like it was doused in kerosene or something.

Final Thoughts
Robin Williams vacillates a bit between manic and maudlin in this episode. I hope that's in the script and he's not off his meds or something.

They spent this week doing a bit of character development, which is good. We learned that Andrew and Sydney are friends outside of work, Sydney's a workaholic, Simon used to be a fry cook, Lauren's bisexual, and Zach likes women but he doesn't really like women. After four episodes, the characters are getting some solid definition, and in the future their personalities can be a source of humour, rather than just relying on gags.

As for the content of this episode, I liked it reasonably well. The cleansing fire setting off the sprinklers gag has been done before, but they did some good visual stuff, and even managed to rein in Williams' performance a tad.

TBBT 7x06: The Romance Resonance

Sheldon is in the zone.

Which leads to him discovering a way to synthesize a stable, super-heavy element.

The Chinese use his method to successfully create the element, but later Sheldon realizes he read a table wrong and just got lucky.

Everyone heaps praise upon him, except Amy, who tells him she feels embarrassed for him for being lucky. It's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for him.

Elsewhere, it's the anniversary of Howard and Bernadette's first date, but she gets exposed to a raccoon virus and has to go into medical quarantine.

So Howard, the gang, and Penny's boobs come by to sing her a song he wrote about how much he loves her.

What I Liked
-Sheldon can't listen to Howard because he's in the zone. Also, he doesn't care. I sometimes wish that I could use that excuse, but people don't like it when you tell them you don't care about their stupid crap.
-Discovering a new element gives Sheldon the right to steal Leonard's cookie. Damn right it does.
-Sheldon's mistake is proof that Americans can't handle the metric system. They sure can't.
-After he realizes his error, Sheldon tries to get people to stop praising him. That includes no "Woo!"s.

Except Dr. Wu. He's still fine.

-During Howard's song, Sheldon reluctantly rocks back and forth with the beat. It's very subtle, but little bits of characterization like that are why Jim Parsons has two Emmys.
-Amy gets in the zone herself and daydreams about making out with Sheldon. That's a zone that a lot of ladies get into.

What I Hated
-As a romantic gesture, Raj suggests that Penny stand outside of Leonard's window, holding up a boom box. Everyone seems to forget that didn't actually work. Ione Skye was ice cold and just left John Cusack standing out there by his car. If you're going to suggest a grand, romantic gesture, it should be something that actually has a chance to succeed.

Final Thoughts
Howard's song was good, not great. It went on a bit too long and some of the lyrics were a bit of a stretch. I predict an Emmy nomination, but not a win.

Again, the show didn't do anything particularly new this week. Sitcoms have been doing stories about how the man in the relationship is romantic, but the woman isn't for decades. They're still managing to put a bit of their own spin on things, but that merely makes this a good show, not a great one. There's little chance for failure since they're repeating bits that have been done successfully many times before. Without risk or danger, the show is just entertainment, and not art. Perhaps that's all they're striving for, which is fine because it's still a funny show, and at least they can say they're entertaining, which is more than most shows can say these days.

A bonus half-star for having a song with Klingon lyrics.