Game of Thrones 7x03: The Queen's Justice

We're already almost halfway through the season, and things are moving along at breakneck speed.

Lady Stark-Lannister-Bolton and Her Merry Band
With Jon away, Sansa's in charge, and she's pretty good at it. But Littlefinger tells her that even though she's managing things well at the moment, she needs to prepare for every foreseeable eventuality. Which should be a lot easier because Bran unexpectedly returns to Winterfell and tells her he's the all-seeing Three-Eyed Raven, even though he doesn't bother to explain what that actually means.

Mr. Sam Goes to Oldtown
Jorah's suddenly well enough to leave the Citadel and return to the Khaleesi's service, and Archmaester Ebrose wants to know what happened. The patient's lips are sealed, so Sam is summoned to the maester's office. Surprisingly, he is praised for his efforts and not immediately expelled from the Citadel. However, he is immediately returned to his scut work, since he's still just a low-level initiate.

The King in The North Meets The Queen in the South
After what must have been a harrowing and dangerous journey south by ship, Jon and Davos have arrived at Dragonstone. They catch up with Tyrion, who blew up Davos' son, and who may or may not be legally married to Jon's sister. In any case, the Queen is waiting, and she wants Jon to bend the knee, which he's not particularly interested in doing. Instead, he'd like her to send all her forces north to fight the army of the dead. An army that she's never heard of and doesn't believe exists. As neither is willing to compromise, Daenerys seizes Jon's ship and keeps him on the island until they can sort things out.

Fortunately, Tyrion's a more reasonable person, and while he can't convince Jon to swear allegiance or Daenerys to send her army north, he can at least get the Queen to acquiesce to a less extreme request from the King to keep him busy and earn his gratitude, so she lets him start mining the dragon glass.

War for Three to Five of the Seven Kingdoms
The last of the ironborn haul Theon out of the water and make him feel even worse about not saving his sister than he already did.

Euron parades Yara, Ellaria, and whoever the last Sand Snake is through the streets of King's Landing and delivers the latter two as a gift to Cersei. With her daughter's killers now in her possession, the Queen can finally exact her highly-justified vengeance. She poisons the snake with what Qyburn assures her is exactly the same poison they used to kill Myrcella, then leaves her to die and rot while her mother is chained up and forced to watch.

In the meantime, Tycho Nestoris has returned to discuss the Crown's debts to the Iron Bank. Cersei doesn't have the cash to pay right away, but she has a plan to get it. When the Unsullied reach Casterly Rock, they find it nearly abandoned, and their ships are ambushed and sunk by the Iron Fleet. The bulk of the Lannister forces have teamed up with traitors from the Reach and marched south so they can capture Highgarden and rob it blind. With no bannermen to join them, the Tyrell forces and the castle fall quickly. All that's left is for Lady Olenna to chug some poisoned wine Jaime gives to her and to bid him tell Cersei that she was the one who had Joffrey killed.

What I Liked
-"You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn, breaker of chains, Khaleesi, etc." "This is Jon Snow....... he's King in The North" Leave it to Davos to point out how stupidly-long and pointless Daenerys' title is.
-All the adulation from the crowds gives Euron a boner, a boner he intends to use on Cersei once Jaime explains how she likes to get down. The show's been in need a swaggering rogue type ever since they recast Daario.
-Tyrion built himself a secret sex room while he was master of drains at Casterly Rock. That's much more useful than all the secret passages and so forth under King's Landing.
-"Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?" "I would never do that... to you." Heh.
-Archmaester Ebrose has a medical poking stick that he uses to prod Jorah.

What I Hated
-Incessant speechifying. I get that Jon and Daenerys have never met before, but the audience knows their backstories, so we don't need them reiterated to us.
-Sansa somehow has insight into food rationing and armour design. I get that she's supposed to be smarter than she lets on, but she's still ignorant, having spent most of her life on frivolity or as a prisoner. Also, all the learned lords, maesters, and blacksmiths are apparently morons.
-Bran's a robot. The last Three-Eyed Raven didn't seem to be totally emotionless, but for some reason the new one is.
-Highgarden falls just as fast as Casterly Rock. Even without bannermen, the Tyrell forces should've been able to withstand a siege for months or even years. It's a massive castle with extremely high walls.
-Euron ambushes another fleet. He's such a master of naval warfare that his ships can sneak up on you in broad daylight.

Final Thoughts
Daenerys can't really expect Jon to swear fealty to her just because of her last name, can she? I don't think she can possibly be that stupid, but then she acts all snotty and takes him quasi-prisoner when he doesn't do it.

The ironborn look down on Theon a bit too much. It's not like any of them fought Euron's fleet to the death. Of course, it's surprising that any of them survived, considering that the fleet is enormous, invincible, and apparently has stealth technology. With ability to build all those ships so rapidly, and with the crews to man them, the Iron Islanders should've conquered Westeros decades ago.

Jorah's on the way to the current location of his father's sword. It's not exactly nearby, but the journey should only take about as long as it took Jon to get there from Winterfell, so he should be in Dragonstone at the start of the next episode.

Ellaria's punishment is pretty severe, but well-deserved. She murdered an innocent girl, staged a coup in her homeland, and rebelled against the Crown. Worst of all, she made all the time the show spent on Dorne a complete waste. Honestly, the only thing that came out of that was Myrcella's death, and they could've accomplished that in dozens of other ways. That entire plot line could've been excised. The Sand Snakes were pointless, Doran was pointless, the coup was pointless, allying with Daenerys was pointless. It really shows how the writers have no idea what to do without the books as a guide.

Varys' spy network must have atrophied in his absence. He should have gotten word that the Lannister forces were moving long before the Unsullied arrived. Not that it would've done them any good, since there's no quick way to get a message to a navy. But he should've at least been able to send word to Highgarden.

Siege warfare is very inconsistent on this show. Casterly Rock and Highgarden fell immediately, King's Landing almost did as well, while Riverrun withstood a siege for months, and Storm's End held up for nearly a year.

I don't understand the way they're pacing the show this season. Important, plot-altering events take mere moments, while trivial things take forever. Jon and Daenerys relay their backstories to each other for like ten minutes; Euron rides down the streets with his captives behind him for what seems like forever; the explanation of Ellaria's punishment goes on for an eternity; but the battles for Casterly Rock and Highgarden take about three minutes total. Long battles obviously cost a lot of money to shoot, but HBO's not exactly hurting for cash, and they were practically begging the showrunners to make more episodes.

It's for that reason that I can't really give this episode a high rating. Everything seems to be taking the wrong amount of time. Everyone's motivations are clear at this point, and we don't need to see the characters explain them to each other ad nauseam.

TBBT 7x11: The Cooper Extraction

Hey look, Kaley Cuoco's in her underwear.

What I Liked
-Without Sheldon, Bernadette never would've dated Howard, because he and Raj are kind of a couple. Makes sense to me.
-Everyone pees themselves in the world without Sheldon. The man is the source of bladder control for an entire universe.
-The guys all want to hear Amy's sexy story. Erotic fantasy stories are almost always more interesting than decorating a Christmas tree.
-Stuart inappropriately inserts himself in Amy's sad story.
-More Zack. Idiotic characters can be fun.

What I Hated
-Leonard says 'Welcome to the Thunderdome!' The Thunderdome has a very strict -if barbaric- set of rules, it's not some do-what-you-want devil-may-care land. Two men enter. One man leaves.

Final Thoughts
I've never seen It's a Wonderful Life. I've seen many spoofs, parodies, and ripoffs, but never the actual movie.

There are a lot of nerds out there who look like fat Leonard.

You don't want to know how many.

As far as Christmas episodes go, this one was pretty good. Not a lot of new ground was broken, but it had some good gags.

TBBT 7x10: The Discovery Dissipation

What I Liked
-Penny's jealous of Sheldon for being tall, thin, and famous. It's what all actresses aspire to be. Funnily enough, Jim Parsons is those things in real life, too.
-Sheldon gives Wil crap for his tweets, and Amy gives him crap for his web series about board games. That's what you get for quitting TNG.
-Kripke's superhero name for Sheldon: The Retractor. Not the best superpower in the world, but still better than Aquaman.

What I Hated
-Sheldon's yodelling. Why? Just why?

Final Thoughts
This is the second time they've had Ira Flatow on the show. I still don't know who he is.

It's rare for this show to reference something from a previous episode. Earlier this season, Amy went to work at CalTech, and they haven't spoken of it since. But I suppose something that could've potentially earned Sheldon a Nobel prize is worth revisiting.

TBBT 7x09: The Thanksgiving Decoupling

What I Liked
-An animal can be both sacred and delicious. Exactly. Just because something is sacred, it doesn't mean you can't eat it.
-Sheldon would love to go to Thanksgiving dinner, but it sounds awful. That kind of honesty would make the holidays a lot more pleasant for everyone.
-Bernadette with a marshmallow in her mouth.

It's a simple gag, but a good one.

What I Hated
-Sheldon compares himself to a slave... a lot. Not cool.
-Howard's stupid enormous belt buckle.

It's like he's the featherweight boxing champion or something.

Final Thoughts
Honestly, when I first read the title, I thought Penny and Leonard were going to split up. Then, as the episode went on, it seemed more likely. But they worked it out in the end, which is good, because they've already broken up a couple times, and doing it again would be boring.

Drunk Sheldon is best Sheldon. They should really have him drink more often. Maybe turn him into an alcoholic or something. It would give his character more depth.

It was good to see Zack back on the show. He's one of the recurring characters that I actually like. Not like Lucy or whatsherface in the HR department at CalTech. And I don't just hate them because they're women; it's because they suck.

I think this is the first time we've seen what the gang gets up to on Thanksgiving. Considering how much Sheldon and Leonard loathe their families and the fact that Raj's parents are in India, it makes sense that they'd spend it with Howard's mother. But I have to say that no self-respecting overbearing Jewish mother would let gout stop her from cooking on Thanksgiving. Of all the things this show does, that was probably the least realistic.

TBBT 7x08: The Itchy Brain Simulation

What I Liked
-Amy and Bernadette get their own drinks because Penny is slow. That's one of the perks of being friends with the bartender... sort of.
-Raj wonders why the key is always confidence and not love handles and flop sweat. A lot of men wonder that at some point in their lives.
-Raj loves Penny because she gets him dates. It's weird to love a woman who gets you dates with other women, but I suppose it's a different kind of love.

What I Hated
-They brought Lucy back. That was completely unnecessary; she was a terrible character, and Raj had achieved closure, more or less.
-The itchy sweater is way too itchy. Like ridiculously, comically so. But it wasn't funny.

Final Thoughts
It was a bit strange to see Sheldon actually be devious and vindictive. Normally he's above those sorts of things. Perhaps he's not a robot after all.

TBBT 7x07: The Proton Displacement

Bob Newhart, everyone.

Bill Nye the Science Guy, everyone else.

What I Liked
-Sheldon brought Bill Nye in to "teach someone a lesson" which Bill misinterpreted as speaking to a class. Heh.

What I Hated
-Arthur's a bit of a lecher. No one wants to see that sort of thing.

Final Thoughts
I don't think they really needed to bring back Bob Newhart. Professor Proton worked perfectly well as a one-off character.

Much like Wolowitz, Bill Nye is a mechanical engineer who sometimes gets a gentle ribbing from his peers for not having a doctorate. Which makes it a bit strange that they didn't have the two of them in a scene together. Seems like a wasted opportunity.

While he's still funny and his comic timing is more-or-less there, Bob Newhart's certainly not as quick as he used to be. Which is saying something, since his delivery has never been what one would call swift. So, I would encourage anyone who hasn't seen them to check out his two successful sitcoms: The Bob Newhart Show and Newhart.

TBBT 7x06: The Romance Resonance

Sheldon is in the zone.

Which leads to him discovering a way to synthesize a stable, super-heavy element.

The Chinese use his method to successfully create the element, but later Sheldon realizes he read a table wrong and just got lucky.

Everyone heaps praise upon him, except Amy, who tells him she feels embarrassed for him for being lucky. It's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for him.

Elsewhere, it's the anniversary of Howard and Bernadette's first date, but she gets exposed to a raccoon virus and has to go into medical quarantine.

So Howard, the gang, and Penny's boobs come by to sing her a song he wrote about how much he loves her.

What I Liked
-Sheldon can't listen to Howard because he's in the zone. Also, he doesn't care. I sometimes wish that I could use that excuse, but people don't like it when you tell them you don't care about their stupid crap.
-Discovering a new element gives Sheldon the right to steal Leonard's cookie. Damn right it does.
-Sheldon's mistake is proof that Americans can't handle the metric system. They sure can't.
-After he realizes his error, Sheldon tries to get people to stop praising him. That includes no "Woo!"s.

Except Dr. Wu. He's still fine.

-During Howard's song, Sheldon reluctantly rocks back and forth with the beat. It's very subtle, but little bits of characterization like that are why Jim Parsons has two Emmys.
-Amy gets in the zone herself and daydreams about making out with Sheldon. That's a zone that a lot of ladies get into.

What I Hated
-As a romantic gesture, Raj suggests that Penny stand outside of Leonard's window, holding up a boom box. Everyone seems to forget that didn't actually work. Ione Skye was ice cold and just left John Cusack standing out there by his car. If you're going to suggest a grand, romantic gesture, it should be something that actually has a chance to succeed.

Final Thoughts
Howard's song was good, not great. It went on a bit too long and some of the lyrics were a bit of a stretch. I predict an Emmy nomination, but not a win.

Again, the show didn't do anything particularly new this week. Sitcoms have been doing stories about how the man in the relationship is romantic, but the woman isn't for decades. They're still managing to put a bit of their own spin on things, but that merely makes this a good show, not a great one. There's little chance for failure since they're repeating bits that have been done successfully many times before. Without risk or danger, the show is just entertainment, and not art. Perhaps that's all they're striving for, which is fine because it's still a funny show, and at least they can say they're entertaining, which is more than most shows can say these days.

A bonus half-star for having a song with Klingon lyrics.

TBBT 7x04: The Raiders Minimization

Amy watches Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time. When explains how Indy has no effect on the outcome, Sheldon's jaw drops.

Since she ruined Raiders for him, he has to ruin something for her. First he tries Pride and Prejudice, but he finds it too perfect.

Then he tries to ruin Marmaduke and Garfield, but winds up falling in love with the latter.

He does a good job of ruining Little House on the Prairie, but Amy gets wise to his tricks and tells him that they're in a relationship, so he should talk to her and not just try to seek vengeance.

He agrees and they talk it out. Then he gets revenge by telling her Garfield has no reason to hate Mondays, since he's a cat and doesn't have a job.

Meanwhile, Penny is reading Leonard's mother's book for her psychology class. He's not happy about it, because it's about his childhood.

The book brings up lots of painful memories that make Leonard sad, so Penny does what she can to make him feel better.

Then he gets greedy and lies about being sad so he can get out of going to a sports bar.

And to get some at-work sex.

Eventually, Howard spills the beans to Bernadette, who tells Penny, who tricks Leonard into talking to his mother. She wants to talk about his sex life, which makes him sad for real.

Elsewhere, Raj needed something to do in this episode, so he and Stuart make online dating profiles. They get a lot of views, but no messages.

So they go to a bar and get shot down by women in real life. It feels even worse.

What I Liked
-They remembered that Penny's going to college. I thought they totally forgot about that.
-One of the chapters in Leonard's mother's book is about how Leonard favoured her left breast when he was a baby, and he still goes left today. Hee-hee.
-On his dating profile, Raj puts down "My parents' money" as his best feature. In reality, that probably would get him a lot of girls. The ladies love a guy with money, even if it's not really his.
-Sheldon's mom got revenge on his dad for staying out all night by putting hamster poop in his chewing tobacco. That's some good vengeance right there. Not too punishing, but fairly disgusting.
-The faces Stuart makes for his profile picture.

I've seen worse.

What I Hated
-Somehow, Amy made it into her 30s without seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark. For someone who hangs out with enormous dorks on an exclusive basis to have not seen that film is preposterous. TV shows do that sort of thing with some regularity: Someone's favourite movie is a hugely popular thing that everyone has seen, and yet their boy/girlfriend has never seen it.
-Bernadette would rather take a bath alone than have sex. That's not a good sign. Her relationship with Howard is about to become one of those stereotypical TV relationships where the man wants sex, but the woman doesn't. It happened to Ray Romano, so it can happen to them, too.

Final Thoughts
Geez, Kevin Sussman really is on the show more when he's in the end credits than he was when he was in the opening credits.

It's a bit weird how Penny busts Leonard by putting on sexy lingerie and starting a video chat with his mother. Sure, men like boobs, so it's a good trick, but I don't know anyone who would sit around in their underwear in front of their boyfriend's mother just to get back at him. At any rate, as I've mentioned...

Men like boobs.

Raj and Stuart's plot was highly underdeveloped; a casualty of once again having three plots in a single episode. It also wasn't terribly realistic. I've used a couple dating sites in the past and I can say that no man gets 162 profile views in two hours. Men outnumber women to such a great extent on those sites that it's just not mathematically possible. Plus, in general, men have to take the initiative and contact the women first. It's basically the same as going to bars, only faster and more convenient.

The whole three plot thing never really works out right. Seven minutes is not enough time to develop things properly, so at least one of them will always seem half-assed. They've been jamming all seven main characters and Stuart into the show lately, and I'm starting to wonder if there's even enough room for them all. Other ensemble shows tend to write people out for a couple episodes rather than trying to fit them all in. But I understand that can be a bit difficult when you're paying someone at least $60,000/episode. You want to get your money's worth and they want to work.

One final point: If not for Indy, the Germans would have tortured and mutilated Marion. He saved the girl. He's a hero.