Trailer: Pain & Gain

I've taken a week off, but TV still won't be back for a while. So, in an effort to keep myself from getting rusty, I'm going to start reviewing movie trailers.

I'll begin with Michael Bay's latest... what's the opposite of magnum opus? Anyway, here it is:



What I Think the Movie's About
Pain & Gain appears to tell two stories. The first is an action story about how Mark Wahlberg's tired of being a personal trainer and decides to recruit one of his friends and Dwayne 'The Rock' 'The Scorpion King' Johnson to help him kidnap a rich guy and steal all his stuff.

Based on all the cops and Dwayne's face full of dye pack, I'd say it doesn't go well.

The second is a love story between Mark and Dwayne. The meet at the gym as so many couples do, and the attraction is instant. You can see the intensity of it in their eyes. It gets a little pornographic there at the end when Mark starts jacking it in front of Dwayne, but maybe that's just how their relationship is. "But," you say, "Mark's just pumping iron, he's not masturbating." Oh really? Take a look at this clip, then listen to Dwayne's lines during that scene: "That's it. That's good. It hurts, I know it does. That's it, get it!" Now, I'm no expert, but I think you could probably find some porn with similar dialogue.

It's not all hard love, though. They can still be tender.

Will I See It?
Not based on this trailer. I've watched it a few times, and I'm still not sure what kind of movie Pain & Gain is. Is it action-comedy? Is it straight action? Is it a heavy drama with a little bit of 'splosions and boobs thrown in? I honestly can't tell. There's a brief shot with Ken Jeong in it, so it's probably not a totally serious film, but maybe he's moving into more dramatic roles, or he's just there to provide a counterpoint to how sad and depressing everything else is. Only Michael Bay knows for sure.

Rating a trailer is a tricky business. I'm sure there are plenty of criteria one could use. I'm going to base my ratings on how interested in the film the trailer makes me. While I'm not terribly interested in seeing the movie at this point, I am kinda, sorta interested in finding out what it's actually about.