Game of Thrones 6x03: Oathbreaker

On this week's exciting episode of Game of Thrones, oaths are broken, characters you've never heard of or can't remember die, and absolutely nothing happens in Dorne!

The Widow Drogo
The khalasar arrives at Vaes Dothrak and Daenerys gets sent to the home for old Khaleesis. They strip her naked, but her contract has a no-nudity clause, so they give her a nice burlap sack to wear and tell her that if she's lucky she'll get to live out her days with them. But, she didn't follow an obscure Dothraki rule about immediately going to Vaes Dothrak after her husband died, so she's probably going to get her head chopped off.

Temporary Blindness
Montage? Montage! Arya learns to be a girl with no name, and a man gives her back her sight.

Mr. Sam Goes to Oldtown
Sam, Gilly, and Li'l Sam are on a boat headed for Oldtown, but since no women are allowed in the Citadel, Sam's going to drop Gilly and the baby off with his parents. Also, he's seasick, because it's funny to watch people barf.

The Adventures of Grumpy Dwarf and Baldy No Balls
Varys uses his skills in bribery and subtle threats to find out who's funding the Sons of the Harpy... it turns out it's everyone. Meanwhile, Tyrion learns that he, Grey Worm, and Missandei have absolutely nothing to talk about.

What'chu Talkin' 'bout, Hodor?
In this week's flashback, Ned Stark, Howland Reed and some unnamed jobbers fight Ser Arthur Dayne and another guy outside the Tower of Joy. Arthur dual-wields swords and defeats four men at once. Fortunately, before he can finish Ned, Howland stabs him through the neck from behind. Then the Three-Eyed Raven cuts off the flashback before anyone can see what happens in the tower. He tells Bran that he won't have to stay with him forever, but he can't leave until he learns everything!

The Wacky Adventures of the Lannister Family
Tommen goes to see the High Sparrow, and learns that religion's not all bad. Jaime and Cersei try to sit in on a small council meeting, but Kevan (who is back, apparently) doesn't want to include them. Ser Frankenmountain's presence prevents the council from expelling the twins, but it doesn't keep everyone else from simply getting up and leaving. Elsewhere,

Ramsay, Shitlord of Winterfell
Shitlord Bolton and Shitlord Karstark welcome Shitlord Umber to Winterfell. He refuses to kneel to Ramsay, but to prove his loyalty, he gives him a present: Osha and Rickon, whose identity he proves by displaying the severed head of Shaggydog.

Jon is Dead, Jon is Dead, I am the Walrus
Davos notices that Jon has popped back up and gets him some pants. The wildlings think Jon's some kind of god, Melisandre doesn't know what to think, and Davos has a "Who the fuck cares? I'm just glad you're back" attitude about things. Though he has a little trouble enacting the sentence, Jon hangs the traitors, then gives Edd his cloak of office and fucks off. His watch is ended.

What I Liked
-Arya got to have a training montage. It would've been better with some 80s pop music behind it, though.
-They hanged Olly. Good. Fuck Olly.
-Pycelle farts when he notices Ser Frankenmountain standing behind him. I do enjoy a good fart gag.

What I Hated
-They spend what seems like five minutes on the non-conversation between Tyrion, Grey Worm, and Missandei. The city's in pretty dire straits and they apparently have nothing to talk about.
-Another Lord pledges his loyalty to Ramsay for no particular reason. The Umbers following the Boltons makes even less sense than Lord Karstark not immediately shanking Ramsay.

Final Thoughts
Arya's montage needed some 80s pop music behind it. Eye of the Tiger or something like that. This show has dick and fart jokes, it's clearly not a serious program.

Lots of dudes getting stabbed through the neck from behind this season. I think that's an indication that the people of Westeros need to develop neck armour.

The actor they got to play young Ned seems to be in his early 20s. While in the books, Ned was only about 20 during Robert's Rebellion, Sean Bean was 51 when they shot the first episode, meaning young Ned should've been in his early to mid 30s.

Things aren't moving along much temporally this year. The plot lines don't all move at the same pace, but only two or three days have passed at Castle Black, and it hasn't been a whole heck of a lot longer at King's Landing.

The amount they've diverged from the books grows with each episode. In the books, Smalljon Umber dies at the Red Wedding, and only about half of their people grudgingly follow the Boltons because the Greatjon is held captive at the Twins. In the show, the Greatjon has apparently perished off screen, and the Smalljon betrays Rickon, ignoring the fact that the Boltons massacred his soldiers a couple years back. Characters have repeatedly pointed out that "The North remembers" and loyalty is kind of a big deal, and yet two of the major Northern Lords have sworn fealty to a conniving, betraying murderer. Karstark should have stabbed Ramsay and Umber should've rallied the rest of the northmen and marched on Winterfell. Sure, Jon Snow let the wildlings come south of the Wall, which could turn out to be a bit inconvenient, but that's hardly a good enough reason to turn a protected guest over to a guy who's probably going to slice his dick off.

Speaking of catchphrases, whatever happened to "The Iron Bank will have its due"? Yes, there was finally a Small Council meeting, but it doesn't seem like anyone has figured out how they're going to pay back all the money they owe. Nor will there likely ever again be a mention of all the money Stannis borrowed.

If her adventure doesn't somehow lead to Daenerys gaining command of a good chunk of the Dothraki, then I'll consider it a huge waste of time. Not that I know what she'd do with them, but it's a heck of a lot better than just getting saved by Jorah and Daario, and going right back to Meereen.

This episode didn't have any dudes getting smashed against walls, so it wasn't as good as last week's. Character motivations are still really unclear, and no one's ultimate goal is particularly apparent. Hopefully things will become more clear now that Littlefinger's finally coming back next week. I don't know what the hell he's got planned, but it better be damned interesting.