Hawaii Five-0 3x15: Hookman

I'm not sure if it's a stunt episode or if the writers were just overworked, but they decided to remake the sixth season premiere of the original Hawaii Five-O series. Since the show ran for twelve years, I think it's safe to assume that everyone important lives through the episode, which sort of removes some of the suspense.

Anyway, Peter Weller is a double amputee who's holding a bit of a grudge and exacting a cruel vengeance against everyone he believes was responsible for the loss of his hands. He starts by assassinating a police officer who was leading a funeral procession.

This guy's about to have some company.

The first victim, Ben Keoki was a friend of the McGarrett family and was basically an uncle to Steve. He is understandably upset at the loss of his friend, especially after Chin finds a bullet casing that literally had the man's name on it.

McGarrett starts the investigation by interviewing Keoki's old partner. His friend was a street cop who never busted anyone bigger than a low-level drug dealer, and was too honourable a man to get mixed up with anything dirty. So, they don't have any leads, but based on the calling card, the killing was personal, and Steve's certain that if they don't catch the guy soon, more people are going to die.

Quite a few more, based on the number of bullets the guy has.

Kono goes to see Fong, but the bullet casing's a very common calibre, and it could take him days to track down a match to the engraving. She doesn't have days, but fortunately she notices that the casing's really shiny, so she heads off to find out who on the island does custom bullet engineering.

While she's doing that, Peter Weller's off somewhere, selling his rifle to a small-time thug played by Charlie Murphy. He's a smart guy, and he tips off the cops to the thug's whereabouts. Soon, half a dozen officers, including Danny and Steve are on him. He has superior firepower, but the cops have superior numbers, and McGarrett is really ticked off because he thinks Charlie's the guy who killed his friend. Steve tosses a smoke grenade while everyone else covers him, and in short order, Charlie's lying on his back with two bullets in his chest. But, he's not the only one. In all the confusion, Keoki's old partner takes a hit.

I don't think he's gonna make it.

McGarrett thinks something smells funny. Charlie was just an ice dealer who couldn't hit the broad side of a barn while the guy who shot Keoki was a trained sniper. Max and Fong's analysis confirms his suspicions: Charlie didn't hit him, and the shot was fired from a rooftop across the street. Danny and Steve investigate and they find another engraved bullet casing.

The Governor calls Steve in to get an update on the situation and to make sure he's playing things by the books. But the two dead cops were McGarrett's friends, so he's taking things very personally. Which is good, because the killer's still out there, and he has a bullet with his name on it.

Literally.

Kono's earlier lead yields dividends, and Danny and Steve are called to a nearby gun shop. Meanwhile, across the street, the killer breaks into a vacant office that's being painted. He sets up and gets ready to kill McGarret when the painter returns and he's forced to choke him to death with his robot hand. That gives the guys enough time to realize that the gun shop owner didn't call in with a tip and the whole things a set up. The killer misses his shot, and takes off in a Ford Mustang. A high speed chase ensues. Despite his handicap, he's an excellent driver, but because this show is brought to you by Chevrolet, Danny and Steve catch him in their bitchin' Camaro and he winds up in the drink.

It's like anti product placement.

They pull the car out of the water, but the bad guy's not inside. One of his hands is still on the wheel, though. Steve quickly puts things together and realizes that the killer is a former bank robber who had his hands blown off when the elder McGarrett busted him 20 years ago. Keoki and his partner were part of the team that took him down, as well as Duke Lukela, who turns up in an alley with a bullet in his back.

Thanks to Max's analysis of the prosthetic hand, the team tracks the guy to his apartment. He's not there, but he calls them from across the street just before he opens fire. His positioning is better, but once again, superior numbers prevail and Kono shoots him in the head while Danny and Steve draw his fire and distract him. They wrap things up with some witty banter, and then the two dead cops and McGarrett's dad drop by to say thanks. But Danny calls out to Steve, and when he turns back around, they're gone.

Case... closed?

What I Liked
-They slapped up a big ol' title card for the episode. I may be alone in this, but I like knowing the title of an episode before I watch it. It's a bit old school, but a good title card can add some punch to an episode. It says to the audience "Here. Here is what you're about to watch. Prepare yourself."

Look at it. This is a thing of beauty.

-Peter Weller played the titular Hookman and directed the episode. Not only is it kind of hilarious to have the guy with mechanical hands played by freakin' RoboCop, but Weller's actually a reasonably good TV director.
-Charlie Murphy's last words are "Time to make the doughnuts, bitch." I'm willing to bet that wasn't in the original episode in 1973.

What I Hated
-There was a whole bit with Danny being anti-gun and getting into a fight with the gun shop owner. I get that there's a big debate about guns in the US right now, but I don't need politics in my wacky island cop adventures. I need bikini girls, car chases, and Danno booking 'em.
-They catch the bad guy because he filled out a warranty card for his prosthetic hands. A lot of TV murderers seem to have that weird combination of brilliance and idiocy.
-Peter Weller goes from being an excellent sniper to being unable to hit anything. They made a big deal about how good a shot he was, but in the end he was spraying bullets around like Charlie Murphy.
-The ending seemed really out of place. Does Steve have a brain tumour that we're not aware of?

Final Thoughts
I had high hopes for this episode after the opening, but I can see now that those hopes were misplaced. Television just wasn't as mature in the 1970s, so a remade episode was bound to feel a little bit dated. Some of it worked, but overall it just felt really disjointed and a little bit rushed. The 1970s and 2010s are two decades that just shouldn't mix, I guess.

Castle 5x13: Recoil

A woman with all her teeth knocked out turns up burned to a crisp in a homeless guy's fire barrel. It looks like it could be hard to identify her until Lanie pulls a titanium screw out of her jaw and the serial number leads them straight to who she was: An engineering postdoc from New Jersey. No one has any idea who might have wanted her dead, but she left her half-sister a voicemail that contained the sound of her murder, and a check of her phone and credit card records leads to the Standish Hotel. Now, the Standish is famous as a place where powerful men can get a little discrete side-action, and after a little arm twisting, the concierge reveals that the dead girl had been meeting one man there on a regular basis.

Senator William H. Bracken, the man who had Beckett's mother killed.

The team decides to move slowly, so when Esposito and Ryan go to question the Senator they act as if the dead girl is merely missing. Bracken's wise to their tricks, though, and after a couple questions, he suggests that all further inquiries should come through his attorney.

Back at the station, the Team verifies the Senator's alibi for the time of the murder and through some fancy cross-referencing, coupled with FBI analysis, they discover the site of the dead girl's killing. There, they find a stolen car containing a sniper rifle and detailed plans of a hotel where the Senator is attending a conference. Bracken's not the killer, he's the target.

Smilin' Bill's not gonna be smiling for long.

Beckett is now in the awkward position of having to protect a man she wants to see behind bars. Neither of them is particularly comfortable with the situation, but they can't exactly explain to the public why they don't want to work together, so they're stuck with each other. Esposito thinks she should just sit back and wait for the killer to put a bullet in his brain, but Ryan believes that would make her no better than him.

Castle and Beckett go through the many death threats the Senator has received in hopes of finding something that matches the handwriting in the killer's notebook. When Beckett finds what she's looking for, she hides it from Castle and sends him home, then goes to visit Counsellor Worf. He doesn't tell her what to do, but says for her the right choice is whatever she can live with.

So she considers burning it.

The next day, she's troubled, but she hasn't destroyed the evidence and merely continues hiding it from the others until her conscience gets the best of her. However, when she goes to tell them, it no longer matters, since they have a better lead. Some items in the stolen car's trunk contained traces of motor oil and transmission fluid, and Esposito and Ryan are able to use that to find a service station where the guy used to work.

They load up and bust the guy's door in, but he's not home. Beckett heads down to the apartment manager's office to see if he knows anything, and on the way she runs into the guy when he's getting off the elevator. She pulls her weapon on him and tells him to freeze, but he bolts. As he heads down the stairwell, she puts two bullets into the wall to make it look like she tried harder to stop him.

The owner's gonna be ticked.

Later at the station, Beckett admits to Castle that she missed the guy on purpose. The letter she found accused Bracken of murdering the guy's son. He was an intern in Bracken's employ, and the day before he was scheduled to meet with a reporter, he was found hanged.

Inside the killer's apartment, they find materials for making a bomb and C4 residue, but the bomb itself isn't there. Fortunately, the cops find the guy hiding on a rooftop a few blocks away. Beckett tries to convince him that she's on his side because Bracken killed her mother, but he's schizophrenic and too far gone to believe her. She still thinks she can get him to tell her where the bomb is, but the Cap'n pulls her out: The FBI has already found it.

Beckett thinks it's all to easy, though. The bomb they found is far too neat to have been created by a schizophrenic who's off his meds. The Senator's about to give a big speech that'll put him on the national stage, but Beckett calls in a bomb threat and has the building evacuated. When the bomb squad can't find anything, her career is effectively over. Bracken tells her she's going to ruin her, but as he heads back to his limo, Beckett notices that his driver is acting suspiciously. She shoves the Senator out of the way just as the limo explodes.

They can probably just buff that out.

Bracken suspects that his driver was hired by a kingmaker who was upset that he was no longer following orders. He tells Beckett he owes her one and gives a statement to the press. He's now a folk hero who seems to be willing to fight for the little guy, even at the cost of his life.

What I Liked
-The article in the newspaper next to Senator Bracken's photo seems to be made of corporate analytical gibberish. My favourite line is "Thus any exponential coefficient mandates staff meeting level attention to the anticipated repercussions."
-Beckett asks Bracken if there's anyone he can think of who would like to kill him. Irony is hilarious. Just ask Alanis Morrissette.
-Castle makes air quotes when describing how he expected the kingmaker to wind up dead in a "plane crash" or a "car accident". Nathan Fillion does the goofy stuff so well.

What I Hated
-The driver sets off the bomb before Bracken gets in the limo. After all that planning, to screw up so badly right at the end is just ridiculous.

Final Thoughts
Because of who he is, I thought Michael Dorn's part would be much larger, but he really only shows up for about thirty seconds at a time. It's very odd.

Esposito's been getting a bit darker this year. He threatened to murder a small-time hood, dated a suspect, and thought about standing aside while some nutjob murdered a Senator. Meanwhile, Ryan's settled down into married life and is acting like a good Catholic while he tries to become a father. Plus, Beckett saved Bracken's life when Castle says he would've just stood back and watched. I guess we know who's who when they play 'Good Cop-Bad Cop'.

I'm not really buying Bracken as an arch-villain. Jack Coleman's a big, imposing guy, but the Senator's just not evil enough to be much of a threat. He's had people killed, but when he talks with Beckett, he seems far too much like an everyday politician who spends his days slinging bullshit with a smile on his face. They teased the idea of him running for President in the future, but the next US election isn't for almost four years and I honestly don't expect this show to last that long, so the threat of him in the White House rings somewhat hollow.

With so much time devoted to a villain who I just don't find credible, the episode really fell flat for me.

HIMYM 8x15: P.S. I Love You

Ted sees a woman on the subway who's reading the same book as him, but before he has a chance to suavely introduce himself, she gets off. So begins the saga of creepy stalker Ted. A saga that's apparently happened a few times before, so Marshall and Lily know the tell-tale signs of his insanity and make him hand over his yellow legal pad.

Fortunately for him, the young lady had a yellow legal pad of her own.

After bumping into her at the university, Ted learns that Jeanette a similar need to track down people she sees on the subway. His friends think it's a little insane, but Ted presents the Dobler-Dahmer theory which states that grand romantic gestures are okay as long as the two people are into each other. As an example, he uses the story of how Marshall asked out Lily the first time, which is really cute, but could have easily gone the other way.

An illustration of the Dobler-Dahmer theory.

Over the course of the next few days, it gradually comes out that Jeanette didn't bump into Ted by chance. She pulled the fire alarm that led him outside... or rather, she set the fire that triggered the smoke alarm that led him outside. And she wasn't reading the same book as him by coincidence, either. She's been following him around since he graced the cover of New York Magazine 18 months ago.

And he is *totally* okay with that.

But all of that only covers about 1/3 of the episode. The real story and the source of the episode's title come from Robin. As it turns out, back in her Robin Sparkles days, she was a little bit obsessed with a guy. Barney busts her chops about it and she refuses to tell him who it was, so, being Barney, he breaks into her apartment and digs through her old journals to look for clues. But, all he finds is a single phrase written over and over.

All PS and no Love makes Robin a dull girl.

So, being Barney, he jets off to Vancouver to interrogate Robin's old boyfriends, including former Mr. Teen Winnipeg, Simon Tremblay. While Simon doesn't know who Robin was stalking, he does have a lead: MuchMusic's Underneath the Tunes special on Robin Sparkles and her meltdown at the 1996 Grey Cup (Argos over the Esks, 43-37. Deal with it, Edmonton). Barney quickly tracks down a copy of the episode, and it is everything I could have ever wanted in a Canadian Behind the Music parody.

The episode features interviews with Paul Shaffer, Geddy Lee, Jason Priestly, Luc Robitaille, Chuck "Dave Thomas" Gerussi, Alex Trebek, Steven Page, k.d. lang, Dave Coulier and even a picture of Gino Vannelli. It tells the story of Robin's third song, P.S. I Love You and how she threw her life away one snowy evening in November. The stress of her "Let's go to the Mall" tour started to show in early 1996 when she politely walked out of an interview with MuchMusic. Later, she became Amy Lee from Evanescence and produced the grunge rock song P.S. I Love You under the moniker 'Robin Daggers' although her record label refused to release it. The video was much darker than her earlier work, and featured everyone's favourite 1990s trope, a shirtless old man in black and white:

Old men didn't wear shirts in the 90s/ It was a thing.

At the Grey Cup, Robin threw off the shackles of her teeny-bopper past and invented grunge. Speculation about who the song was about began immediately, and featured everyone from former CBC news anchor Knowlton Nash to cultural treasure Neil Young, but no one knew who it was about. Even Dave Coulier claims it wasn't about him; although, he says that quite a bit. However, there was one suspect whose name just kept coming up:

Ladies and gentlemen: TV's Alan Thicke!

Since Alan lives in New York, Barney heads over to his place to kick his ass and find out if the song is about him. Not necessarily in that order. However, years of dealing with Kirk Cameron's crap have turned Alan into an unstoppable killing machine, and he quickly subdues Barney with a full nelson and explains to him that PS I Love You isn't about him, and he actually always thought it was about Coulier. After taking his licks, Barney returns to Marshall and Lily's apartment and admits to Robin that anyone can get obsessed. In exchange for his admission, Robin finally explains who the song is about:

He's every young girl's dream.

What I Liked
-Creepy Marshall. It's hard to make playing the ukulele look creepy, but Jason Segel found a way.
-Barney's position on whether or not Jeanette is a stalker is based entirely on whether or not she has enormous cans. Seriously, there are worse problems to have than an attractive woman with big boobs who won't leave you alone.

They're not huge, but fortunately Abby Elliott took after her father in the boob department.

-Marshall wants to see Robin throw her life away so badly! That's horrible, but hilarious at the same time.
-Jason Priestly invented the 'Priestly' by cramming a timbit into a strawberry-vanilla doughnut. Is there nothing that man can't do?
-Robin's excited by the prospect of getting MuchMusic in New York. That is pretty exciting. Unlike MTV, it actually still has something to do with music.
-Dave Coulier does the "cut it out" thing. I've seen Coulier in a couple things this year and he's holding up pretty well.

What I Hated
-They shot more scenes with young, goth Lily. Alyson Hannigan looks very good for her age, and pretty good in general, but she's 38; she doesn't look 18 anymore. I've mentioned it before, but sticking her in that makeup makes her look like an angry biker chick. The worst part is that they reused some shots from 'How I Met Everyone Else', which aired early in season three. That was five years (five years of long sitcom hours at that) and two kids ago. The difference is striking.

The darker lighting doesn't help, either.

Not only that, but she was followed up by young, goth Robin Daggers, who was slightly out of focus and played by a younger woman who's had one less kid.

I'd let her stalk me any day.

They really need to stop doing stuff like that. It's making me sad.
-Dave Thomas' character refers to Hamilton as being "Just outside of Guelph." Man, don't name-drop just because it's funny to say "Guelph". Go with something that's actually close to Hamilton like Ancaster or Grimsby.

Final Thoughts
It may seem a little far-fetched for a young girl to be infatuated with Paul Shaffer, but you know what? I buy it. He's famous, he has style, and he's easily one of the most talented musicians working in TV today. There's a reason why so many rock stars marry models and have children younger than their grandchildren: Chicks dig musicians.

The Dobler-Dahmer theory is a good gag and goes well with the Crazy-Hot scale (which comes from 'How I Met Everyone Else' just like young, goth Lily), however I'm not sure Lloyd Dobler is the best example to use of that particular phenomenon. While Diane Court wasn't repulsed or frightened by Lloyd's grand gesture, she didn't go for it, either. He stands out in the driveway holding his boombox over his head, and she doesn't even acknowledge him. That's cold. Offhand, I can't think of a better choice, but I'm sure there must be one.

I'm a little concerned about baby Marvin. It's good that they didn't suddenly make the new baby the focus of the show, but at the same time, at least some mention of him would be nice. Marshall and Lily haven't been as connected to the rest of the group since their child was born, and I guess the writers have been having trouble working them back in, but that's no reason to pretend their baby doesn't exist like Chuck Cunningham or the other daughter on Family Matters.

Like episode six of this season of Castle, this episode was basically tailor-made for a guy like me. At least the Robin Daggers stuff was. I can't say I cared all that much about Ted's stalker. But, the writers were smart enough to limit the amount of time they spent on that so what I'm hoping will be the last journey into Robin's musical past had enough time to shine. However, I judge sitcoms at least partially on how much they make me laugh, and while this episode was funnier than HIMYM has been in a while, it still didn't have me rolling for a full twenty minutes straight. Nevertheless, it was a marked improvement over the last few episodes, and I hope it is a portent of things to come.

30 Rock 7x12: Hogcock! & 7x13: Last Lunch

Let me preface this all by saying that I've now seen a total of about four episodes of 30 Rock. The show just never appealed to me, so I never bothered to watch it. That being the case, I'm liable to screw up a few names, and I'll probably miss out on any running gags that the series has had. However, I thought it might be good to take a look at the finale to see if there was anything in it that would appeal to people who hadn't really watched it before, which are exactly the kind of people a low-rated show like 30 Rock needed to attract. But, so I wouldn't be going in completely blind, I took the time to read the synopses of the last few episodes on Wikipedia. Now, without further ado:

With TGS cancelled, Liz is now a stay-at-home mom, and it's not working for her. After she sends her kids off to school, she logs on to a local parenting forum, but finds it just as welcoming as one would expect. With nothing else to do, she visits Jack at his office to see how he's coping with his new life. Kabletown is on track to become an unstoppable force in the entertainment world, and yet, Jack's still not happy.

But you know who is happy? NBC's new President, Kenneth.

At least he's more qualified than Jeff Zucker.

Liz goes in to pitch an idea for a new show, but Kenneth's not interested. Shows about writers in New York are a bit overdone, and he just wants to do simple shows. Despondent, Liz returns home and gets back on the forum. One of the other posters calls her out for whining about being a stay-at-home mom, and the two of them agree to meet at the park for a rumble. When she gets there, she finds that the angry poster was Criss. He hates working and wishes he could spend more time at home, while she hates spending time at home and wishes she could work.

At the same time, Jack is using six sigma techniques to conquer his emotional life. He learns karate, spends time with his daughter, helps out a homeless guy, finds religion, and talks his girlfriend into a threesome with an imprisoned character played by Salma Hayek.

Conjugal visits are the best kind of visits.

He has everything he could ever want; even the Democrats hate him, but he's still not happy. Liz comes to see him to ask for a job, but he's resigned as CEO of Kabletown because for the first time in his life, he doesn't know what he wants. She's wormed her way into his brain and given him feelings and a need for something more than work, and he's turned her into a corporate shark who defines herself by her job. They've ruined each other. They were nothing more than a boss and an employee, and now they're nothing at all.

Meanwhile, no one's interested in anything Jenna has to say. The show's cancelled, so no one has to pay attention to her, and she's not sure what to do with her life, either. She tries out TV, but can only get work as a corpse on Law&Order. Then she heads to LA to find work in the movies, but all the women there are younger, prettier, and blonder than her, so she decides to head back to New York and try her luck on Broadway.

I'd give my regards to these broads.

Finally, Tracy tries to get a meeting with Kenneth. As President of the network, he doesn't have time to deal with Tracy's shenanigans, so Tracy wants to release him from his promise to always be there for him. Kenneth keeps avoiding the meeting, though, because Tracy's contract has a $30 million buyout clause that comes into effect if TGS ends before producing 150 episodes. They only made it to 149, so in order to avoid the buyout, they're going to need to make one more episode.

Airing one more episode means writing one more episode, so the writers gather one last time to enjoy their studio-provided free lunch. Unfortunately, it's Lutz's turn to pick the restaurant they order from, and to get back at everyone for years of abuse, he chooses Blimpie (he says "Blimpie's", though, which may be to prevent a lawsuit). The writing staff tries everything they can to choose a different restaurant, including locking Lutz in a room and ordering from Nobu, but he escapes into the ceiling and crashes down on the table, destroying their last meal and forcing them to eat Blimpie's.

Well, technically his stunt double crashes through the ceiling.

Since failing to produce the episode will get him a fat wad of cash, Tracy does what he can to stop it. He talks slowly to waste Liz's time, blackmails Al Roker into giving a false weather report so the crew will go home, and even takes off to a strip club.

A strip club's a good place to ride out Snowicane Dorva

That last move would put him in breach of his contract and prevent him from getting the buyout, so Liz tracks him down to see what's up. Tracy's never been good at saying goodbye, and even though he and Liz haven't always gotten along, he doesn't want to end their relationship. She tells him the truth: They're probably not going to hang out after the show ends, but she loves him and she's going to miss him. He agrees to return after The Skank Train finishes on stage.

While that's happening, Jack tries to mend things with Liz. He apologizes for how he acted earlier, but she won't accept it. He goes to Jenna for advice, but all she can tell him is that Liz holds grudges. He breaks down and cries manly tears, then walks out into the studio to say goodbye to everyone and gives away all his stuff. Pete thinks he may be suicidal and, although she doesn't buy it at first, when Jack doesn't show up to watch the final episode, Liz thinks he might be, too. She heads up to his old office to find him, and instead finds a video suicide note. She magically tracks his phone and gets to him just as he's jumping off a bridge.

It's pretty dark, though, so it could be his brother Billy.

But, Jack Donaghy is not a man who would kill himself. He just wanted her to realize that she would miss him so she wouldn't hold a grudge. In reality, he's taking a boat trip so he can find his bliss. He struggles to express his feelings for her, so Liz just tells him she loves him, too, and watches as he sails away. But, Jack Donaghy is not a man who needs months on a boat to find his bliss. Ten seconds after he leaves, he comes up with the idea for clear dishwashers, then turns right back around.

In a nod to a running gag that I'm not aware of, Kenneth tries to get Jenna to show some real emotion because she's been so self-centred over the years. Eventually she realizes that she really will miss the show, and she puts that emotion into song as she ends the final episode of TGS by singing the title song from her musical 'Rural Juror' with enough enunciation to actually make some of the lyrics intelligible.

One year later, Liz has a new job as a writer on Grizz & Herz, Tracy's father returns, and Jack's working at GE with a sexy female second assistant. In the distant future, Liz Lemon's great-granddaughter pitches a show to the immortal President of NBC based on stories Liz told her about her time at 30 Rockefeller Plaza. He loves it.

There can be only one.

What I Liked
-The machine that hugs old people.

It's history's greatest invention.

-"Most of tan penis island was destroyed in Sting's house fire." That's the only line in this show that actually made me laugh out loud.
-Liz is the least-molested person in the strip club. That's funny, but also kinda sad.
-The Skank Train. Never ride it without a condom.

What I Hated
-The time line in the first half is pretty messed up. For some reason, it takes the writers several weeks to clean out their office.
-Really awful green screen work when Conan showed up. They made a CGI elevator. Are there no real elevators where Conan works or something?

It looks like they did it with the same software they used to stick live actors in video games back in the 1990s.

Final Thoughts
It's a little unfair of me to judge this episode(I'm counting it as one because the end credits encompassed both episodes) since it's the finale and therefore it's not really designed with the same purpose as a regular episode. But life isn't fair, so judge it I shall.

It worked fairly well as a finale. The characters got some closure, and everyone in the cast got to have a moment. However, since I wasn't a regular viewer, I had no attachment to any of the characters, and I didn't feel anything when Liz and Jack finally said they loved each other in a totally platonic way. Nor did it make me in any way want to go back and watch the rest of the series. There were a few bits that were somewhat interesting, but not enough to get me to buy the DVDs.

Beyond that, I really didn't find the episode to be particularly funny. The first half was nearly devoid of laughs, while the second ranked about as highly as a poor episode of How I Met Your Mother. The jokes weren't pandering or offensive, though. They just weren't for me, I suppose.

Overall, it wasn't a bad episode. Much like the show itself, it was just sort of there.

I didn't watch 30 Rock, so I shall not miss it. But it was a show that tried to do something a little bit different, and managed to survive to do it for six and a half seasons, and it should at least be applauded for that.

TBBT 6x14: The Cooper/Kripke Inversion

Two plots this week. It's hard to say which is the A-plot and which is the B-plot, so instead I shall refer to them by codenames.

Operation Infinite Barbie
Raj finds a website that will take photos you send them and turn them into a personalized action figure of yourself. For the low, low price of just $500 you get your very own miniature version of yourself and the ability to re-enact your favourite scenes from Spaceballs.

Leonard thinks it's a cool idea and wants to get one, but Penny passive-aggressively talks him out of it, leaving just Raj and Howard. They're totally psyched when the package containing their figures arrives some time later, but the end results leave them less than enthused.

To be fair, they did get the outfits right.

After some disappointed playing, Raj comes up with a great idea: they'll buy a 3D printer and print their tiny doppelgangers themselves. At first, Howard is hesitant because they're so expensive, but his friend quickly convinces him that Bernadette makes enough money that the cost of a 3D printer is chump change.

When it arrives, they test it out by printing a whistle, and when that works to their satisfaction, Raj busts out his best superhero pose, and Howard scans a 3D model of him with a Kinect. Which is something you can actually do at home if you have the right software.

A few hours later, Wolowitz goes home and whips out his mini Howard so his wife can handle it.

Fortunately, that's not a euphemism.

She thinks it's really cute, and when he shows her the matching mini Bernadette, she's totally in love with them. That is, of course, until she finds out that the printer cost $5000. Despite the fact that they're married and it's supposed to be a partnership, Bernie's not cool with Howie dropping that kind of cash on a whistle-building machine, so she cuts him off sexually until he returns it.

The next day he gets Raj to cut him a cheque for his half of the printer, and tells him that he's been removed from the joint accounts and can't eat lunch because he spent his allowance on Pokemon cards.

Operation Sexual Fusion
Sheldon and Kripke are both working on grant proposals for a new fusion reactor. Since the university is only allowed to submit one proposal, the physics department forces them to work together. This is unthinkable to Sheldon since not only does he not want his nemesis to see his work, he doesn't even want him to see his picture of a really cool train.

It has jet engines and everything!

Nevertheless, they're forced into an alliance, and, after some trickery on Sheldon's part, they exchange copies of their research. Later that day, Amy tries to talk to Sheldon about his day, but he seems really depressed. As it turns out, Barry's research is leaps and bounds ahead of his own. With nothing left to lose, he allows Amy to console him with a hug.

In their terms, that's like third base.

The next day, Sheldon feigns illness so he won't have to go to work, but Leonard doesn't buy it and forces him to face the music. Kripke recognizes that Sheldon's work isn't as good as his own, but he thinks the reason for it is that Sheldon and Amy have been knocking boots so often that it's been distracting him from doing physics. To avoid embarrassment, Sheldon tells Barry he's right: Amy enjoys his genitals and he gives them to her on a nightly basis.

At dinner, when Sheldon tells Leonard and Penny what happened, she's finally had enough and asks him if he's ever going to sleep with Amy. At first, Leonard's not cool with going down that rabbit hole, but his lady friend is insistent, and soon he wants to know what the deal is, too. Sheldon explains to them that he's always been uncomfortable with physical human contact, but he's working on it and has made great strides over the past two years as evidenced by his ability to put Vapo rub on Amy's chest. When asked point blank, he admits that it's a possibility that he and Amy might get physical in the future. This causes Penny to flip out.

And physically assault her boyfriend for some reason.

At work the next day, Kripke's not interested in physics. All he wants to know is how freaky Sheldon's sex life is. It may not be real, but it's some of the hottest coitus anyone will ever have.

What I Liked
-Sheldon doesn't want an action figure of himself unless it comes with kung-fu grip. He may be an insane weirdo, but he has his action figure priorities straight.
-When Sheldon joined the Dark Side, they lit Jim Parsons' face so it would reveal when he turned towards the camera. Subtle, but quite effective.

If only you knew the power of the Dork Side.

-Kripke gets wise to Sheldon's tricks and realizes that the second envelope he gives him is also full of blank paper. A few shows would've gone for the trifecta and had the third one filled with blank pages, too. I'm so glad they didn't do that.
-Bernadette didn't think there could be a smaller version of Howard. It's amazing what science can do these days.

What I Hated
-Something weird was up with Kaley Cuoco's skin at the end of the episode. Either her makeup was off, or she needs to cut down on the spray tans.

It's the forehead line that gives it away.

-Bernadette's reaction to Howard's excessive spending. I'll get into that later.

Final Thoughts
This was a reasonably funny episode and it had some good gags and a bit of of character development to boot. So, normally it would've received a fairly high rating. However, the way they resolved Howard's portion of Operation Infinite Barbie was so offensive that I just can't give it one.

I don't want to get too deep into it because it'll make me seem like I'm taking the goofy three-camera sitcom too seriously, and that's certainly not the case; I know it's just a show, and I shouldn't let it affect me. Nevertheless, I feel like I'd be abdicating my responsibility as a reviewer (I do too have some) if I just ignored it.

In today's business world many women make more money than their spouses. That's just reality, and it's not going to go away. So a role reversal of the standard 'Oh my god, you spent how much on what?!?' sitcom trope is to be expected and even applauded. However, in ye olden times, the man would generally realize that it was wrong for him to completely lose his shit and the woman would realize that it was wrong of her to make such a large purchase without consulting him first. Hugs would be exchanged, and make up sex would be had. That's not what happened in this episode. Shit was lost and realizations were made, but instead of coming together and growing as a couple, Bernadette took Howard's name off the joint chequeing account and gave him an allowance, which he subsequently spent on trading cards. He's not her husband anymore, he's her child.

Were their genders reversed, that sort of thing wouldn't fly these days, but my problem isn't that Howard's being emasculated. That happens a lot on this show, and it's actually kinda funny sometimes. My problem is that their relationship is now completely disconnected from reality. In the real world, your wealthy spouse denying you food because you made an ill-considered purchase would be grounds for divorce, no matter how short and nerdy you were. We've seen the put-upon husband before in other sitcoms, but at least Al Bundy got a win every now and then, and when he had to, he could still rock Peg's world. Howard no longer has any power whatsoever in the relationship, and it's starting to cross the line from funny to just plain sad.

Plus, it's always bothered me how little money the guys apparently make. Sure, they buy a lot of take-out and waste money going to conventions, but they're respected scientists. Howard has a masters in engineering from MIT, and he's been to space; he should easily be pulling down something in the low six-figures. Combined with the fact that he lived rent-free until just recently, he should be pretty loaded. Yet the show acts as if he's making a pittance and none of the other guys are doing particularly well, either. They shouldn't be rich, but the occasional $5000 purchase shouldn't be too much of an issue, either. Howard and Bernadette are DINKs who live in a one-bedroom apartment. He should have solid gold spinners on that RAV4 he just bought.