Castle 5x18: The Wild Rover

There's been a murder. But not a murder most foul, a murder most delicious. A local baker was shot in the back and then drowned in his industrial mixer. The baker's assistant mentions that he saw a '68 Charger park nearby before his boss sent him on a delivery, and it seemed to make him nervous. A search of the premises turns up $50,000 in a briefcase, and a check of the bakery's financial records shows the baker had large purchase orders for expensive equipment that wouldn't even fit in his shop.

When a records shop shows that the Charger belongs to Irish mobster Bobby S, the gang thinks that the baker was probably laundering money. Phone records show that a woman named Siobhan who runs a bar frequented by Bobby S. phoned the bakery nine times before the murder, so Beckett brings her in for questioning. In typical mob fashion, Siobhan ain't sayin' nothin'. As she's being taken to a holding cell to stew for a while, she notices Ryan and runs up and kisses him while calling him Fenton. Unfortunately, Jenny's there, delivering Kevin's forgotten lunch, and he gets five across the eyes for having a wife.

Then he gets five more for being a cop.

Kevin has some 'splainin' to do. First to his wife and then to the rest of the team. It turns out that before he joined the homicide squad he was undercover in the Irish mob for 18 months. He dated Siobhan and was good buddies with Bobby S.

After Ryan's finished spilling his story, an FBI agent arrives and tells the team that both the dead baker and Siobhan were informants, and the baker was going to deliver 'The Bible', a list of the mob's contacts and transactions just before he was killed. But now he's dead and Siobhan is screwed. The FBI guy refuses to put her in witness protection unless she delivers The Bible, so Ryan offers to go back in and help her get it. He gets a haircut, some new clothes, and Fenton O'Connell is reborn.

Praise Jesus!

His return to the bar isn't as welcoming as one would hope as Fenton is greeted with a solid right cross from a woman named Maggie who just so happens to be the wife of Bobby S's new number two. He's not off to a great start, but he manages to convince Bobby that he has a drug connection out in Chicago, and that makes everyone much happier to see him.

Back at the station, the rest of the team tries to tie Bobby S to the baker's murder. Unfortunately, it looks like he might have a solid alibi since he was at the track at the time of the murder. His car was definitely outside the bakery, though, so something fishy is going on. Esposito meets with Ryan to tell him that someone is trying to frame Bobby and he should consider walking away. However, Fenton's been invited over to Bobby's place to shoot pool, and it may be his only chance to grab The Bible, so he has to stay in.

At the pool game, Bobby's number two gets a phone call telling him that there's a rat in the organization. Fenton excuses himself to go to the bathroom and manages to grab The Bible while he's gone, but before he can get out of the house, the number two stops him and says they need to take a ride down to the docks.

There isn't a lot to do there at night.

The rat they're out there to drown isn't Fenton, though, it's Siobhan. One of Bobby's goons broke into her apartment and found out that she'd been talking to the FBI. Fenton is there to prove that he knew nothing about it by shooting her in the face. Obviously, Ryan can't just murder a woman, but he has no qualms about shooting Bobby. But when Bobby starts to chuckle with a gun pointed at him, it rapidly becomes clear that it's not loaded; it was all a test, and Fenton failed. Luckily, Ryan's a smart guy. He picked the number two's pocket, stole his cell phone, and then secretly called Esposito while they were driving. Just as he's about to get a lead salad, Ryan calls out Esposito, Beckett, and even Castle.

He forgot his vest.

They're still slightly outgunned, but backup arrives seconds later and all the bad guys drop their weapons. The Bible Ryan stole helps the feds build a case that should put Bobby S and his crew away for a long, long time, but that still leaves the little matter of the baker's murder. Bobby's number two's metro card was used by whoever was driving the Charger down by the bakery, but he has a rock solid alibi. That leaves only one possibility.

It was Maggie! Dun dun dunnnnnnnn.

After he sends Siobhan on her way, Ryan goes home to talk to Jenny. She's still upset that he went undercover, but he assures her that he's done with all that. Which is good, because she's pregnant. Dun dun dunnnnnnnn!

Meanwhile, Castle has been saying the name 'Jordan' in his sleep, and he refuses to tell Beckett who it is. After some cajoling, he tells her that he paid someone to write a paper for him on the Jordan Motor Company, and he still feels guilty about it. It's sort of silly.

What I Liked
-Castle refuses to fist bump Esposito after he makes a 'playing doctor' joke at Lanie's expense. Never joke about how a woman lets you see her naked... in front of her.
-Esposito can't pronounce 'Siobhan'. While it's a little far-fetched for an NYPD detective to be unfamiliar with that name, I empathize with his plight. I was actually having a discussion with someone a couple weeks back about how neither of us knew how to pronounce it at first, either.

Seriously, where does the V sound come from?

What I Hated
-Ryan has to have a dangerous meeting at a diner with Esposito so they can exchange information. It's 2013, not 1925: He could have just sent him an email.

Final Thoughts
While I was typing this, I mistyped Bobby as Booby about ten times. I'm not sure what that says about me.

Throughout the entire episode I thought "Man, they're gonna kill Ryan. His wife's gonna be pregnant, and when the kid is born, she'll name it after him." Especially since Seamus and Juliana are married in real life, and it would seem fitting to have her around for moral support on his last days at work. But Kevin survived, and now the Ryan baby won't have to grow up without a father.

I can't really remember an episode where the main focus was on Ryan. It's usually the Castle and Beckett show, so it was nice to get a little back story on him. There wasn't really anything exciting or memorable about the episode, though.

Hawaii Five-0 3x18: Na Kiʻi

There's a tiny brown dude being chased down some stairs by a white guy with a mullet. Is this the latest incident of racial violence on the streets of Honolulu? No, it's just Dog the Bounty Hunter doing some bounty hunting. The chase goes well and Dog tackles the guy onto the hood of someone's car, but just as he's about to cuff him, an unexpected visitor decides to drop in.

Unannounced guests are so inconsiderate.

Elsewhere, McGarrett is rowing and bickering with his mother when he gets the call about the dead girl. Max's first impression was that she committed suicide, but on closer investigation it appears that she was trying to fight the fall and was suffering from several unrelated contusions and hematomas. When he gets her on the slab, he finds out that she was given a lethal dose of GHB 6-8 hours before her death, which probably caused her to become disoriented and fall off her balcony.

The first suspect is her surfer ex-boyfriend; he has an alibi and has no idea what caused all her bruising. A ticket stub in her pocket leads to a local rec centre where Danny and McGarrett discover her terrible secret:

She had a really stupid name... and she was a Derby Girl.

While her choice of leisure activities explains the bruising, it doesn't explain how or why someone doped her up. To get that information, someone from the Five-0 team will have to go undercover in the exciting world of roller derby, just like on that episode of Bones that I saw part of a while ago. With Dicey Hot dead, The Diamond Dolls need a new jammer, and as it just so happens, Catherine used to be a figure skater, so she's the girl for the job. She goes to the try-outs where she does well, but finishes second. Even though she's very proud of herself, Steve subscribes to the 'win at all costs' mentality and he needed her on that team. So, he has the girl who finished first arrested for unpaid parking tickets, and Cat is the world's newest Derby Girl.

The star on her helmet means she's the jammer. Having that knowledge makes me sad.

Cat bonds with a fellow Diamond Doll named Crimson Bride who points out a skeevy guy she should stay away from. A little facial-recognition magic back at Five-0 headquarters reveals that the guy is a low-level bookie who's been taking bets on roller derby matches. The guys go to pick him up and he bolts so McGarrett tackles him into the ocean. He admits to trying to bribe the dead girl to take a dive in the championship, but she turned him down and he has an alibi, so he couldn't have killed her.

Crimson Bride points Catherine at a girl on the opposing squad named Sugar Stix. Danny and Steve go to talk to her and put the screws to her. She says that the dead girl was the team's golden girl and the coach's favourite, so maybe one of the other Diamond Dolls killed her. Steve has Catherine track down a list of the girls' real names so they can run background checks on all of them. She sneaks into the coach's office and copies his hard drive before the match; Crimson catches her, but she plays it off like she was just looking for a knee brace. Catherine gets away clean, however Crimson is not so lucky. The coach sees her coming out of his office then notices someone's been messing with his computer, and he is not a happy camper.

He's a snappy dresser, though.

During the match, the coach somehow talks one of the opposing players into injuring Crimson, then forces her to sit out until she agrees to go to his office for a cortisone shot.

Back at headquarters, the rest of the team finds a series of photos on the coach's hard drive that show a bunch of semi-nude, drugged up girls.

That's not cortisone he's been giving them!

In his office, the coach pistol whips Crimson and ties her to a chair so he can interrogate her and find out what she knows about his skuzzy porn operation. Luckily, Catherine figures out that something's not right and she busts through the door and puts one in his shoulder before he can do any more harm. Danny and Steve arrive moments later to take him in, and the day is saved.

Case closed.

Meanwhile, someone breaks into Doris' house and steals her safe. At first she doesn't want to tell her son what happened, but he gets all shouty and she tells him the safe contained an unredacted microfiche that she was going to use as leverage in case anyone came after her or her family. Now she's screwed and has to call in a favour from some old CIA buddies.

What I Liked
-Dog's scream as he's chasing the guy down some stairs is pretty hilarious. I think he should give up the whole bounty hunting thing and start acting full time.
-Steve gets a little "What's in the box"-y when he asks Doris who robbed her house. Not quite as funny as when Brad Pitt did it, but still pretty good.

What I Hated
-Doris beats the crap out of the burglar, hip tosses him onto a coffee table and breaks a vase over his head, and not only does he not stay down, but he gets right back up and beats her by smacking her head into the wall. I'm not sure what's more ridiculous: That a 62-year-old woman beat up a much younger and larger man, or that she went down so easily when he retaliated.
-Danny and Steve bust in on Sugar Stix while she's with a patient. Yes, they're investigating a murder, but that's a serious misuse of their authority and a really dick move on top of that.

Final Thoughts
I feel bad for the poor extra/stunt woman who played the dead girl. She had to lie semi-nude on what must have been a very cold table while Masi Oka painted her blue.

This is her before the painting started, so you can tell how cold it was.

Why is roller derby a thing all of a sudden? It was in an episode of Bones a while back, it's on H50 now, and I even almost went out with someone who turned out to be a Derby Girl late last year. Plus there was that Ellen Page movie a few years back. I thought it had more or less died out as a sport in the late 1980s, so it's a bit weird to see it everywhere these days.

Although he didn't really do much and was almost completely unrelated to the plot, I thought Dog did pretty well, and I wouldn't mind seeing him show up in a more pronounced role. Maybe put him on the trail of Sang Min or something like that. They could even do a crossover with his new show on CMT.

They've been starting a lot of plot threads on this show that don't seem to be amounting to much of anything. Wo Fat is still running around, Sang is on the loose, Doris is up to some CIA stuff, and Kono's had a clone of Adam's phone for like two months. There are only about five episodes left this season, so I'm a little concerned that things might feel a bit rushed towards the end.

Despite all the derbying, I didn't think there was a whole lot to this episode; it only fulfilled one of the three Bs. Nevertheless, it had some good bits, and although the killer's motive was a bit out of left field, at least the killer himself had a significant presence in the episode rather than just being some random guy who got 30 seconds of screen time. So, overall it was okay, but not great.

TBBT 6x18: The Contractual Obligation Implementation

Three plots this week:

Plot the First
Under their contracts at Caltech, the guys have to think up ways to get more women into the sciences. It's a noble goal and one Leonard takes seriously. Conversely, Sheldon prefers to live in a gender-blind society and Howard would rather play Xbox than help.

One can see their points as well.

After some cajoling, Leonard gets Sheldon to give it five seconds of thought and he comes up with the idea of creating a middle school outreach program. Since Howard's from California, he offers to call his old school and set something up so the three of them can do a trial run.

When they get there, things don't go so well. Leonard has entirely too much faux enthusiasm, Sheldon tells a story about how famous female scientist Marie Curie died of radiation poisoning, Howard gets upset when one of the girls compares his trip into outer space to being a flight attendant, and the girls give precisely zero fucks about anything the guys say.

Particularly the one who's front and centre. She is the queen of not giving a fuck.

When Leonard's depressing stories of being forced to play the cello instead of pursuing his real dream to be a gangster rapper (which is actually in the episode and not something I made up) become too much, Sheldon does the only sensible thing and calls Amy and Bernadette so they can talk to the girls a little bit about what it's like to be a woman in the sciences. The day is saved!

Plot Number Two
Raj is finally ready to take Lucy out on a date. He joins the girls for girls' night so they he can pick their brains for ideas. But, instead of helping, they just plan a day-trip to DisneyLand.

However, Raj is a genius, so he figures that since he can't talk to women and Lucy's uncomfortable around crowds, that they should have a lunch date in the library and communicate solely via text message.

It's just as awkward as you'd think.

The date goes as well as possible, given the circumstances, and Lucy almost works up the nerve to kiss Raj goodbye, but then has a panic attack at the last second. He doesn't have a lot of luck with the ladies, though, so he considers it foreplay.

Plot: With a Vengeance
The girls ditch work and go to DisneyLand. Penny just wants to get drunk and go on rides, but Bernadette and Amy convince her that the first thing they should do is get princess makeovers.

Melissa Rauch makes a really cute Cinderella.

When they get home, Bernadette and Penny's men get huge boners over seeing their ladies dressed as princesses. Sheldon, however, refuses to kiss Snow White to wake her up. Not that it would've worked, anyway.

Sheldon is many things, but a handsome prince is not one of them.

What I Liked
-When they reverse the angle to show the TV screen in Sheldon and Leonard's apartment, we get to see the fourth wall. That's kinda neat, although I assume it was in one of the producers' offices, rather than on an actual set.
-Sheldon has no experience entertaining small children, so he does an internet search on "How do I get 12-year-old girls excited." Now all the pervs will be visiting my blog instead of A/S/L-ing little girls. I'm performing a public service here.
-Howard is his middle school's most famous alum, if you don't count the serial killer who ate all those prostitutes. I'd say it's probably best not to count that guy.

What I Hated
-By virtue of the fact that they need to leave a bit of time for the actors to pretend to type, Raj and Lucy's text conversation is reeeeeeeeeeealy slow. Not as slow as it would've been in real life, but still slow enough that it was annoying to watch.

Final Thoughts
Hey, they finally used Lucy's name. That means I don't get to call her Kate anymore. I still might, though, because I'm a rebel.

The B and C plots seemed a tad underdeveloped this week, the writers managed to intertwine them with the main plot to some extent, but they still didn't really get enough time.

I'm not sure if this episode is sexist or not. I'm a guy, so I don't really have to deal with sexism all that often, and I'm not really qualified to pick it out. That being said, it sure feels sexist. The guys go to use their patriarchal whatevers to try to tell young women what they should do with their lives, while the girls go off to get dressed up as stereotypical princesses, which basically turns them into sex objects for their significant others. Of course, Amy and Bernadette were actually hoping that their men would pop huge chubbies for their fancy get ups, so perhaps it was empowering.

In any case, this wasn't a great episode, but it was pretty funny.

HIMYM 8x18: Weekend at Barney's

The Playbook is gone, but the plays didn't go with it. No matter what happens, they will remain in the mind that cooked them up, and with no other outlet, they're starting to bleed into his dreams. While Robin assures him that he doesn't need the plays anymore and that destroying The Playbook was what made her believe he was worth marrying, he still can't keep them out of his head. He wakes up screaming the name of the titular "Weekend at Barney's".

As well as the inferior "Weekend at Barney's II"

Fortunately, Jeanette breaks up with Ted. To prevent his friend from attempting to win back his crazy ex, Barney uses him as an outlet for his own insanity. And, wouldn't you know it, but the Playbook he destroyed was just the ceremonial copy, and the real one is in pristine condition.

Always keep two copies of your life's work.

Barney rigs Ted up with a microphone and earpiece and wires MacLaren's with a couple cameras so he can run things from Mission Control in Ted's apartment while Mosby does the dirty work. The first play they run is called 'The Special Delivery' and it fails when Ted is unable to deliver his package. 'The Kidney' also fails because even though the girl is touched by his willingness to donate a kidney, she doesn't want him to give her a different organ.

As a third effort, they run the 'I Have a Pet Loch Ness Monster', but Robin invades Mission Control just as they're getting started, and when she notices The Playbook, Barney has to let Ted fly solo. He's intercepted by a bogey almost immediately.

Abort! Abort!

After seeing The Playbook, Robin takes off, and since it's a sitcom, Barney chases her down the street. She's really pissed off that he didn't destroy it, but it was his life's work, and well... Weekend at Barney's! His explanation of how that particular play is supposed to work doesn't help matters, and she continues down the street until he stops her again. She's not angry about The Playbook, but about the fact that he lied to her. He rightly points out that she's taking a bit of an unreasonable position because everything he did that led to them being together was a lie. In fact, since he's a magician, most of what he does is a lie. There is one thing that he's been truthful about, though: He loves her.

That, and some fake magic flowers, are enough to earn him forgiveness.

In the b-plot, Lily is now The Captain's art buyer and she has to attend a gallery opening by young up-and-comer Strickland Stevens. Marshall goes along as her arm candy, and since he doesn't expect there to be any food, he buys a big bag of Skittles to bring along as a snack.

Now, since Lily has to spend the whole night schmoozing the artsy types, Marshall's left on his own. Luckily, he's an extremely outgoing guy and shouldn't have any trouble chatting with people. He was even voted 'Most Outgoing' three times in high school.

His Junior year was a tie.

Art people aren't the same as high school students, though, and he can't seem to hit it off with anyone. Things get even worse when Stevens tries to have a moment of silence for his dead grandmother and Skittles begin pouring out of Marshall's pocket.

Taste the rainbow!

While the custodian sweeps the rainbow of fruit flavours off the floor, Marshall apologizes to Lily for screwing up and decides to head out. She won't let him go, though; they're a team. He agrees to stay, but resolves to keep quiet and stop making bad jokes about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In a twist of sitcom fate, Stevens overhears that last comment, and it turns out he's a huge TMNT fan; one of his paintings is even based on Master Splinter. Marshall uses his new found connection with Stevens to introduce him to Lily, and he proves his worth as arm candy.

As the party winds down, Lily gets a text from Ted. Jeanette has discovered The Playbook and she's a little less forgiving than Robin. Ted's stuff (including his red cowboy boots, which Jeanette lit on fire) rains down on the gang from his apartment window, and they watch as his crazy ex destroys The Playbook with some fireworks. It's all too much for Mr. Mosby, and he decides that it's finally time for him to settle down and stop dating.

And to call the fire department, maybe.

What I Liked
-Barney has stacks of fake concert tickets set up so he won't have to go to any of the boring things Lily invites him to. That's a really good idea.
-Ted knows all five of Barney's "one rule"s. He's been paying attention.
-We only get to see one half of the conversation when Ted argues with Barney during 'The Kidney'. It's a really, really old gag, but it still works out sometimes, and I like the way they did it.

What I Hated
-Robin says that destroying The Playbook was what made her realize Barney might be worth marrying. They weren't even remotely a couple at the time, and Robin's not exactly the marrying type, so why would she even think about marrying him? It's just more revisionist history on the part of the writers to try to make Barney and Robin's nonsensical engagement make sense.
-Marshall just lets the Skittles fall. The bag was in his pocket, and a little tap probably would've shoved them down enough to stop them from spilling out.

Final Thoughts
Lily and Marshall's plot was ludicrously bad, and just painful to watch. Watching someone tell a series of bad, unfunny jokes isn't exactly my idea of entertainment. And, I don't know if the Skittles thing was bad product placement or anti-product placement, but they were certainly displayed quite prominently. It was strange.

Jeanette was a really terrible character, and I'm not sad to see her go. Ted didn't need an external reason to want to stop dating and settle down, he just needs to meet the freakin' mother already. Her existence sort of invalidates a large portion of Future Ted's story, too. It's supposed to be about how he became the man he needed to be in order to finally meet the kids' mother, but it wasn't actually a journey. The reason why the story is so long and didn't seem to be going anywhere is because it wasn't. The previous seven and a half seasons were pointless filler because they were literally about how awesome it is to be a single guy in New York. Ted wasn't growing as a character, he was just sitting around, waiting for a catalyst. The story could've been cut down to something along the lines of "Kids, being a single guy was great. But, one time I dated a crazy woman who threw all my stuff out the window and set it on fire. So, I decided to stop dating and settle down, and three months later I met your mother at Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin's wedding. The end."